SMH...

Sometimes ignorance just irks the crap outta me - typically because I'm tired and have no patience with people when I get that way.  I avoid calling people stupid - situations are stupid, but I believe people make a choice as to whether they wish to be educated or remain ignorant.  (No, I do not include those individuals who are MRDD in this tirade).

In this instance, the ignorance stems from the human desire to 'possess' beauty.  Whether it be beautiful inanimate objects, beautiful creatures, plants or people - we humans think because we want, we should have; and when we get, no one else should be allowed to partake of the beauty we've 'acquired'.

SCENARIO:  A couple standing off to the side at an airport gate having a heated discussion because the woman smiled at a gentleman who paid her a compliment and the man in the relationship overheard the compliment and saw her smile.  Mind you, I'm sitting about 6' from them in the boarding area, working, but can't avoid (as none of the rest of the passengers in the area can either) hearing the conversation because their voices aren't exactly whispers.  Man says: "Do you know that guy?  Your smile sure looked like you know him!"  Woman says: "You can't be serious?!  I don't know that guy at all!  How would I know him??!!  We're a 1,000 miles from home??!!"  Man says: "How do I know that?  You travel for work, the two of you could've met up before!  Why would a complete stranger tell you he thinks you have beautiful hair and a gorgeous smile?!"  Woman says: "This is ridiculous!  You mean to tell me you've never paid a woman a compliment and had her smile back at you and thank you for saying it?"  Man says: "Heck no!  Not since we've become serious; I don't look at other women!"  Woman looks at him incredulously, shakes her head, picks up her purse and walks away.  Man says: "Come back here!  I'm not done talking to you yet!"  Woman turns around, looks at him and says: "I think I've heard enough talking out of you", then walks into the woman's restroom.  Guess, what?  They didn't get on the flight.  Makes you wonder if they went their separate ways.

Talk about ignorance.  Seriously, two people who, when they first met, obviously attracted to each other by the physical attributes of each other first (it's just human nature), then by other traits/attributes second, they are all encompassed in impressing the other with how kind, considerate, thoughtful and accepting of each other's individuality.

Then, once the blush of first lust wears off, and the relationship becomes a reality, the mindset of the new couple begins to slowly change and finally ends up as a viewpoint that each other is 'theirs', instead of the 'you', and 'me', that it started out as in the beginning in order for it to become a 'we' as a couple.

Then comes jealousy raising its ugly head when one or both realize that, hey, other people STILL want to and do look, flirt, talk and interact with and attempt to infringe on 'their' beautiful mate.

What?  They think just because they are involved with each other that no one else will notice the beauty that first attracted them as well?!  SMH...

Ok, people, enough.  The reality is, if a relationship is based on trust, is solid, committed, open and honest, it won't matter a hill of beans if a million others look, flirt, talk, interact and attempt to infringe with your mate because the desire that comes from being admired is only important if it comes from the person who loves them and trusts them.

Trust them and love them enough to believe that, while they may be flattered by the attention, their commitment to the relationship won't falter from a few flattering compliments or devilish attempts to get them to stray.

Look at the attention from others as a reaffirmation of your original response to the beauty your mate possesses - take it as a compliment instead of a threat.  Be proud of them as a person, not just for how they look.

Motto of the story:  Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder;

Moral of the story:  Remember, there are many eyes to behold the beauty.

Don't expect others to stop appreciating and admiring beauty just because you've claimed it as 'yours'.  You'd be thrilled if someone paid you a compliment on your car, that new dress, your home - why then do you feel threatened by someone complimenting your mate?

Happiness by Choice

Know Your Mind...Your Heart Will Follow.

Sometimes we think we want a change in our lives simply because we're bored with life.   Thinking back, the times when I most sought change happened when I was unhappy it was because I felt scared, frustrated, or bored.  I've learned that these are all normal human reactions to change and by embracing the change, I was better able to deal with and accept the change(s).  I thought it was someone else's responsibility to make sure that I was happy.  How wrong I was!

Remember your first love?  That thrilling feeling?  The rush and intensity?  You were both adamantly sure that it would last forever and never change, right?  LOL...then life happens, change occurs, simply because human nature dictates none of us remain exactly the same as we move through our lives.  It just isn't the way life works...

Reality sets in, we got older, we got sucked into the maelstrom of work, and family demands, then realized, hey, what happened to the "US" we used to be?  Well, the "US" is still there, but only if the two people making up the units of "US" make the conscious effort of keeping "US" together.

I remember my first love, gawd, what a rush.  Convinced it would be forever, then the reality of change hit...we got married, we had a child, I lost my job, we changed, life's stresses of finances, insecurities, then jealousy raised it's ugly head.   I became disenchanted, disappointed, because I thought that the 'overpowering rush' of being in love was lost.  I missed it and no matter what I wanted it back.

Because I was young, naive, stubborn, I made choices that ultimately 'changed' all of our lives...simply because I needed and wanted to feel like I used to feel when I first fell 'in love'.  Sadly, I found out that the 'rush' is a fleeting moment in time.  The second relationship didn't last - why?  Because it too lost the 'rush' of being in love.

There's another one of life's conundrums - being 'in love' and 'loving' someone.  What's the difference?  

In reality, not much - why?  

Because being 'in love' constitutes that first heady rush of feeling connected to someone, having the desire so strong of wanting to be one with them, mentally, emotionally and physically.  It's that first step towards actually 'loving someone'.  

Loving someone means you truly are connected with them, that you support them, are honest with them, even if honesty hurts, that you want the best for them and you want to be a part of their successes and their failures, meaning that no matter what you will always be there for them, even when they are angry with you and tell you to go away.  

It means when you have a decision to make one of your first thoughts goes to needing to talk it over with the person you love because what you think, say and do will affect them.

It means that you accept and realize that even though you thought the two of you are ONE, you are still actually two separate, but very connected individuals who change and grow as life's experiences happen and you want to grow together, forge beyond the change and come out stronger on the other side TOGETHER.

Everyone experiences and longs for the 'heady rush' of being 'in love' and many expect it to never change.  That is not realistic in totality.  True love is not fantasy, but you can make magical, fantasy moments and memories shared together over and over.

It takes two very dedicated individuals in a committed relationship striving to maintain their love, respect and consideration of one another as two separate entities in order for the two of them to remain strong as a couple.  Add children to the mix and it takes even more dedication and commitment on the part of the couple to maintain their "ME" and "US" in order to strengthen the bond of love they already share.

Looking back I know the mistakes I made, the mistakes shared by both in the relationships and the mistakes made by the person I loved.  Ultimately it took two of us to build the relationship and it took two of us to destroy the relationship.


There's a picture floating around on FaceBook that shows two pairs of bare feet spalshed with mud dancing in a puddle and a quote by Vivian Green, which is a quote from her book:  “Life’s not about waiting for the storm to pass…It’s about Learning To Dance In The Rain.”


The question each of us should ask ourselves in our relationships is simply this:  do we want to weather the storm silently and alone, or do we want a partner beside us learning the dance and taking the steps to move towards the rainbow at the storm's end?

Me, I'm patiently waiting...God isn't finished with me yet, and He does have that one special person yet to put in my life as my best friend and true love of my life.

I'm now happy by choice and I want to share my happiness with that special person who is happy by choice as well.

This life lesson:  no one is responsible for my happiness but me and unless I choose to be happy, there isn't a single soul on this earth who has the power to make me happy.